


Lost But Found

by KuroEcho21



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Gay, I don't know, Love, Multi, Why are you looking at me!, i can't tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:03:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7578712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroEcho21/pseuds/KuroEcho21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stopped, touching his face in the mirror. His blue eyes staring back in, the eye color he got from both his parents. His black hair came from his mother, he was their child there was no doubt about it. He traced his image, he couldn't help but wonder if he was appealing to others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost But Found

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vulpe_Nera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vulpe_Nera/gifts).



“Alexander Lightwood, I swear if you leave this house-”

Alec didn't want to hear the rest, he grabbed his jacket and ran. His eyes blurred with unwanted tears as he made his escape. His heart pounding so loudly in his ears that he couldn't hear anything else but that unsteady beat. His throat was so tight, their reaction left a bitter sweet taste on his tongue. He was sure there was nothing that compared to the look on his parents' faces when they looked at him. Like he had been the one that betrayed them, like he was the reason everything was crumbling down around them. How could they be so hateful at their own child?

He wondered if he shouldn't of said anything, if he should of just agreed. Maybe his parents wouldn't hate him, maybe they wouldn't look at him with disgust, just maybe they'd treat him like the other. He wondered if he could kept going if he didn't say anything, he knew that religion was large in his family. He knew that's what they held onto so tightly sometimes it suffocated him. Sometimes it made him think they were right and maybe he was going to burn. He didn't want them to be right, he wanted to be happy and loved too.

Alec ducked his head as he finally got out of his neighborhood. He wondered how he ended up this way, why he couldn't be like Jace? Why he couldn't be like Izzy? They were prefect in their parents eyes, just because they were not like him. He had been the perfect child, straights A, never missed a day of church. Heck he went on days he didn't have to so he could help his father. He doesn't go searching for trouble like those two, so why does it feel like they love them more than him now? Why can't they love him like they do them? Is it so bad?

Izzy and Jace, he ran their names through his mind for a moment. They stood by his side, they got into fights for his sake. He didn't want them to be mad at their parents, it wasn't their fault he was like this. They reminded him he had to be strong, he never was good at it for his own sake. He made it so that he lived for others, perhaps they knew that too.

He wrapped his arms around himself, sighing as he looked down at the sidewalk. The winter air was a bit to much for his thin jacket. He should of grabbed something a little thicker, he didn't have time to get sick. He couldn't risk missing a day of school, he couldn't risk his only chance of freedom.

If he could hold out for this last year of high school, make it too next fall. He'd be gone, he'd be free of them. He wouldn't have to hear their whispers. He wouldn't have to sit in the church where people watched his every move, where people pulled their children away from. The family he thought he belonged to no longer wanted him, if he could make it through the year. He'd be across the country, he'd be able to escape them. If he could hold out one more year.

Alec could feel the tears slip down his cheeks, hitting the sidewalk below him. What did he have to live for? He wasn't sure if he got away from here if the pain would stop. He didn't know if he'd ever be free from the hate. The scars would always remain, both physically and mentally. He'd never escape those, yet here he was so desperately trying.

The first person that made him realize that he was loved was gone now. He had to fight to keep Max alive, that was the only reason he was trying so hard. If Max could battle til his dying breath Alec knew he had to do the same. He knew he had to keep on walking, to keep on striving for what he wanted. So why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't the pain ease? Why, why, why.

“Why does it have to me!” He said looking up at the dark sky, the moon shining so brightly in the vast darkness. He couldn't recall how many times he's followed in the past two years. How many times did he find himself out all night? He wasn't even sure anymore. He stopped moving, closing his eyes and letting the wind whip pass him. He wanted to be where Max is but sometimes he wasn't sure if he'd make it. He wanted to be with him but he didn't want to live his life hating himself either. He wanted to have a family, he wanted to help people. Was he not allowed to want these things? Was it a sin to want to find someone that he was able to love?

Alec put his hands in his pockets, sighing as he looked back towards where he came from before looking towards where he could be going. If he kept walking, if he didn't look back he might be able to make a living. He might be able to be himself out there. He might be happy if he left. He could feel his chest tighten, his breath leaving him as he felt the tears start falling harder and fast. He knew there was no where for him to go. There was no where he'd be safe, no where that would be helpful to his goals. He needed to prove them wrong, he needed to prove to himself. He needed to see what Max had seen in him.

He turned walked until the road finally became crowded with tall buildings and people pushed their way pass him. He liked feeling invisible, blending into the crowd. He knew that no one would stop him, no one would question. Here he was just like everyone else. He listened to the cars driving pass, the people talking. He looked at all the lights. How could some place so close be so different?

He walked until he walked into someone. He stumbled back, blinking before looking up at the guy.

“Hey,” Alec felt a hand on his shoulder, his head lifting up to look at the person touching him. He felt what breath he had left leave him, golden green eyes stared down at him with a worried gaze. “It's cold outside, where's your jacket? Are you crying?” Was he still crying?

Alec couldn't say anything, just watched the man. Most people just walked pass, everyone had their own problems. There was no reason to worry about someone else's, there was no time. Alec felt his lips tremble, he wanted to say that he was fine but he felt his eyes sting more as he tried to talk. Why was it that a stranger would worry about him? There was so little room to care about someone you don't know. Yet, here was a man that seemed to worry about him then his own parents.

“Here,” Alec watched as the stranger shrugged off his coat and put it over his shoulders. “There, now you shouldn't freeze to death.” The man smiled brightly at him, he couldn't figure out why he was happy. “Where do you live? You should be getting home. It's late and someone would try and take advantage of such a beautiful man as yourself.”

Alec shook his head quickly, rubbing at his eyes. “I-I can't,” he mumbled between tears. “I can't go home yet.”

He felt the man grab his shoulders, “that's fine but you can't stay out here in the cold. You could get sick.” The man was bent slightly, looking at his face from below him. Alec wasn't sure he liked the fact that the man wanted to see his face. “I promise you it'll be okay, no matter what it is.” He felt a thumb run across his cheek, wiping the tears away.

Alec leaned into the man's hand, breathing in deeply. It was nice having someone that was worried about him, having someone that cared. He looked up at the man, “thank you.”

“Of course, no one should feel alone,” the guy grabbed his hand, putting something in his palm. “Here's a few bucks, at least go to one of the gas stations and grab some warm to drink. I'd would like it if you went home though. It's not safe on the streets.”

“Says someone else on the streets,” Alec mumbled as he wipes the rest of the tears away. “I don't need the money.”

“I know, but it makes me feel better.” Magnus smiled happily at him, “see. You look so much better when you're not crying. You shouldn't let people make you cry. After all you deserve to be happy,” he watched as the man stands straight. “Be careful.”

The man started leaving, Alec watched him til he's gone. He felt sad suddenly, he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want the guy to be gone. He turned to head back, the coat on his shoulders starting to fall off. He quickly grabbed it, eyeing it for a moment before cursing and looking back towards where the man had disappeared. There was no one anymore but he already knew that. He hadn't meant to keep the coat, he didn't know why the guy didn't take it back before he left. Now he must be cold and Alec felt bad.

He hugged it close to him, starting to walk back to his house. In his hand was a five dollar bill and a piece of paper with a number. He wasn't sure if it was the man's or not, he wasn't about to call and find out now. He stared at it as he walked, a smile touching his lip. He did want to know who the mystery stranger was, he owed him and wanted to return the coat. He looked the number over. He'd call after school, if it wasn't the man the person might know where he could fine him so he can return the coat.

He didn't know why but the smile wouldn't fade from his lips, not even when he got home and his mother started yelling. He felt at peace for the first time since Max died, he felt wanted. It was a nice feeling. One that only few gave him anymore.

He looked at her, watching her as she moved her arms. It was almost one, and here she was awake and mad. He didn't know why she was mad, it was a mixture of the fact he left and probably the normal. He could hear a hint of worry in her voice as she yelled, telling him to never leave the house in the middle of the night. He looked past her, staring at the picture of him and his three siblings. It was one of the few pictures he was actually in, most of the others now put away. It was also one of the few pictures Max was in. It was like they both had died when Max did. It hurt.

He found himself looking at Jace, who was walking through the hallway. The teen looking pissed off, “will you shut up mom. Leave Alec alone. If you and dad didn't yell at him all the time maybe he wouldn't leave in the middle of the night.”

“Watch your tone of voice young man,” their mother snapped back at him.

“Don't get mad at him,” Alec said quickly but Jace walked to them.

“No, I'm tired of it always being Alec's fault when fights break out and everyone knows it clearly you and dad getting all pissy. So fucking what if Alec's gay, there's hundreds of other gay people out there. Isn't losing Max enough for you!” Jace glared, Alec wasn't sure when the last time it was that he had seen Jace so mad. He didn't want his siblings getting angry with their parents because of him.

“Don't involve Max in this Jonathan,” their mother said sternly.

“Oh why? Because Max is dead? Huh? He loved Alec, he wanted everyone to be happy. He wanted you guys to love him! He didn't want you guys treating him like shit, which is exactly how you treat him.”

“Jace, don't,” Alec grabbed his brother's arm, “it's fine really.”

“No, no it's not. Izzy sits in her room and starts panicking when you guys fight, do you even realize what you're doing to your family mom? Do you? Izzy fears that she's going to lose another brother because you guys can't get over your own stupidity. She's acting out more because of you two! Not Alec,” Jace spat pulling away from Alec. “You shouldn't let them treat you like trash Alec, you deserve better.”

“Go to your room Jonathan, I'll deal with you later.” Their mother spoke, but her voice was hesitant and without conviction. It was rare to see her like this.

“Fine,” Jace pulled Alec with him. Alec looked back at his mother before following Jace. “You need to stand up for yourself. You also should talk to us, we're always by your side Alec.”

“I know,” Alec whispered.

“Apparently not,” Jace stopped turning and facing him. “Other wise you would of never harmed yourself, you would of never tried to give up.”

Alec paled as he looked at Jace, “w-what do you mean?”

“We're not stupid Alec, we can piece things together.” Jace touched Alec's forearm, “Max was right you know.”

“I do, and I know you guys are by my side,” Alec smiled at him weakly. “It took a while but I know.”

“Okay,” Jace nods. Alec wasn't sure if he believed him or not, the look in his brother's eyes made him question. “Just be careful brother, Izzy and I need you.”

“Yeah,” Alec went to his own room, he could feel his brother's eyes tearing into his back. He didn't know what his brother actually wanted him to say back to him. He looked at his brother, smiling softly, “Trust me Jace, I know better than anyone.”

He watched as Jace smiled back, “okay, good night Alec. See you in the morning.”

Alec walked into his room, putting the jacket carefully on a chair near the door. He started going towards his bed, his own image catching him off guard in the mirror. He stopped, touching his face in the mirror. His blue eyes staring back in, the eye color he got from both his parents. His black hair came from his mother, he was their child there was no doubt about it. He traced his image, he couldn't help but wonder if he was appealing to others. His siblings were able to hook up with pretty much anyone. They knew they were beautiful, Alec was use to people pulling away from him.

He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. “Tomorrow is a new day Alec,” he mumbled to himself as he let his hand fall from the mirror.


End file.
